1 00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:08,642 ♪ MTV ♪ 2 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,146 - That is humorous, yes. - Very humorous, yes. 3 00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,981 - Quite jocular, yes. - Droll, very droll, yes. 4 00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:16,450 Whimsical, yes. Yes, quite absurd, yes. 5 00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:17,751 Quite whimsical, yes. 6 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,420 Priceless wit of a satirical bit, yes. 7 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:22,423 [rock music] 8 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:26,727 ♪ ♪ 9 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,597 [intriguing otherworldly music] 10 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:36,804 ♪ ♪ 11 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:44,412 - Smart Butt-Head? - Yes, Smart Beavis. 12 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:47,715 Why have we been called today before the Supreme Leaders? 13 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,583 Surely to reward us for our good work 14 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,552 and many achievements in space. 15 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,421 Perhaps they will give us a trophy. 16 00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,189 Yes, the Supreme Leaders love us 17 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,724 because we are smart. 18 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,495 So begins the trial 19 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:04,298 of Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-Head 20 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:07,801 for crimes against Earth 327-Z. 21 00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:10,838 This is the opposite of what we expected. 22 00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:13,674 - Our logic was in error. - Indeed so. 23 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,677 This tribunal finds you guilty. 24 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,512 - Guilty. - Guilty! 25 00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:21,215 - Guilty. - Guilty, mm-kay? 26 00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:22,916 Thoroughly at odds 27 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,453 with the deontological theory of law, 28 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:28,456 as put forth by Smart Emmanuel Kant. 29 00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,824 Well put, Smart Todd. 30 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,293 You were supposed to have spent 31 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:33,761 the last two years 32 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:36,164 exploring the various universes and what have you, 33 00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:38,732 but all you've done is run up an expense account 34 00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,668 on space nachos 35 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,803 and intergalactic pornography. 36 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,905 In our defense, Supreme Leader, 37 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,374 we were observing the universe 38 00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,742 where Beavis and Butt-Head are in middle age. 39 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,644 Yes, at the height of their powers. 40 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,946 No one cares about that at all. 41 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,250 I mean, come on, just listen to yourselves. 42 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,919 And now, the matter of your punishment. 43 00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:03,357 Your sentence is death, mm-kay? 44 00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:04,792 Am I to understand 45 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,960 that we are definitely not getting a trophy, then? 46 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,630 Your sentence will be suspended, 47 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,499 and you will be permitted to live, 48 00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:13,501 on the following condition. 49 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,437 You must quit screwing around and successfully complete 50 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,439 one scientific mission. 51 00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:20,441 Your mission is as follows: 52 00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,310 you will go to Earth-1, 53 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,945 the planet they call normal Earth, 54 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,881 and abduct a human for scientific experiments. 55 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:31,885 Failure will result in disintegration, mm-kay? 56 00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:34,588 May science be with you. 57 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:35,956 [dramatic music] 58 00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:40,828 Very well. We must abduct a human. 59 00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:43,030 Set course for normal Earth. 60 00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:46,867 Whoopsie-daisy. 61 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:49,603 Should we leave a space note on their windshield? 62 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,505 - No. - That was humorous. 63 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,374 - Quite humorous. - Very droll indeed, yes. 64 00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:58,779 [country rock music] 65 00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:01,582 ♪ ♪ 66 00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,284 Who is this, Smart Butt-Head? 67 00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:06,254 This is an Earthling named Ronnie Dunn. 68 00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:08,522 He is a singer of country songs. 69 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,325 He is the best and smartest that Earth has to offer. 70 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:14,462 He has won 27 Academy of Country Music awards 71 00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:17,265 for masterworks such as "Cost of Livin'" 72 00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:19,967 and "Mama Don't Get Dressed Up For Nothing." 73 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,168 Ah, yes. 74 00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:23,103 So country music has an academy? 75 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,339 Yes, they do. Perhaps we could teach there 76 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,040 if they don't already have instructors 77 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,742 in non-gravitational propulsion 78 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,645 or advanced mathematics across fractional dimensions. 79 00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,814 We would instantly be the smartest professors 80 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,483 at the country music academy, 81 00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,050 for humans are stupid. 82 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,619 Yes, very stupid. 83 00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,854 Look at this one, trying to wrestle a cow. 84 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,490 Humorous, quite humorous. 85 00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:45,326 Which one is the human, and which one is the cow? 86 00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:47,528 Ah, yes, humorous. Quite jocular, yes. 87 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:50,864 That one appears smarter. He must be the cow. 88 00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:54,468 Please stop, Smart Butt-Head. I need to catch my breath. 89 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:55,669 Yes. 90 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:58,005 ♪ He's walking to the left ♪ 91 00:03:58,005 --> 00:03:59,307 I don't know why, 92 00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:01,742 but this music is making me love America. 93 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,844 This video also makes me want 94 00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,813 to worship the man they call Jesus. 95 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,315 Yes, yes indeed, yes. 96 00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:08,882 They have finally made music 97 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:11,151 for ordinary space people like us. 98 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,321 Those of us from the heartland of space 99 00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,423 who work hard and deserve to unwind. 100 00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:16,557 Yes, yes. 101 00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,926 ♪ Where the whiskey flows ♪ 102 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,728 I wish there was more footage 103 00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,363 of the females in this video. 104 00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:25,165 Yes, yes, it is a veritable intergalactic festival 105 00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:26,800 of sausage, Smart Beavis. 106 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,436 Ah, yes, yes, so called 107 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,203 because an intergalactic sausage 108 00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:32,706 looks like a space penis, yes, it does, yes. 109 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,642 Quite humorous. 110 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:37,345 Notice the females are becoming intoxicated. 111 00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:39,513 It is part of their ritual of scoring. 112 00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:42,015 On this planet, the slut is shamed. 113 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,751 Ah, yes, yes, quite primitive, 114 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:44,952 quite primitive. 115 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,019 Yes. 116 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:48,021 Your mother is a slut. 117 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,090 I had non-procreational sexual intercourse 118 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,191 with your mother. 119 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,460 Thank you, Smart Butt-Head. 120 00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:54,227 I am honored, for on our planet, 121 00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,596 we have realized long ago 122 00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:57,130 that the slut is not to be shamed, 123 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,566 but to be honored. 124 00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:02,069 Yes, and your mother is quite honorable. 125 00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:03,504 Again, thank you, Smart Butt-Head. 126 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:05,272 It is said that there are more men 127 00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:06,774 that have been inside your mother 128 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:08,108 than there are Planck lengths 129 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:11,379 in the entire diameter of the universe. 130 00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,481 Let us talk more about this video, 131 00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:15,849 Smart Butt-Head, and not of my mother. 132 00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:18,486 Is this the cowboy's wife? 133 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:21,555 I believe that it is called a horse, Smart Beavis. 134 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,090 I did not ask you to evaluate 135 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,858 the wife's appearance, Smart Butt-Head. 136 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,060 I'm just asking, are they married? 137 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,796 - Humor detected. - Yes, humorous. 138 00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,063 Quite humorous. 139 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,799 Yes, yes, humorous in the way 140 00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,233 of the belt of the borscht. 141 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,902 Yes, yes, and the mountainous region 142 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,537 of the Catskills. - Yes. 143 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:41,609 [otherworldly music] 144 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:48,849 ♪ ♪ 145 00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:52,185 Let us now begin abducting, Smart Beavis. 146 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,121 Yes, yes, let it be so. 147 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:57,558 ♪ ♪ 148 00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,894 We must find a human to abduct, Smart Butt-Head. 149 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,864 Smart Beavis, observe. 150 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,433 And now, the winner 151 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,901 of the 35th annual chili cook-off, 152 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,970 Tom Anderson. 153 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,005 [laughs] Thank you. 154 00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:14,475 I owe it all to my brisket. 155 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,477 Observe, Smart Butt-Head. 156 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,345 We have arrived on the coronation day 157 00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:19,713 of their king. 158 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,314 How fortuitous. 159 00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:23,984 Let us seize him and take him to our ship. 160 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,019 Humorous, but also menacing, yes. 161 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,355 Yes, yes, mirthful and sinister as well, yes, yes. 162 00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,057 [dramatic music] 163 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,492 It's a hell of a chili, Tom. 164 00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:33,594 Well, thank you, Bob. 165 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:36,296 I'm just gonna go get a couple two more beers 166 00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:38,899 out of my car to wash it down with. 167 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:44,972 [humming "The Stars And Stripes Forever"] 168 00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,373 [dramatic musical sting] 169 00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,308 Greetings, Your Majesty. 170 00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,478 We salute you, oh royal one. 171 00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:53,013 Well, thank you kindly. 172 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:56,484 Are you boys in one of them fraternal organizations? 173 00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:59,620 My daddy was a proud member of the Elks Club. 174 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,221 Are you all Elks? 175 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,757 - You must come with us. - Now, please. 176 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,493 Hell, all right. 177 00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:07,661 You know, I always wondered what you gotta do 178 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:10,864 to get invited to join the Elks in this town. 179 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:14,968 I guess you just gotta win a chili cook-off. 180 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,704 After you, Your Majesty. 181 00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:20,240 Boy, this van of yours must be a custom job. 182 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,610 You do this yourself, or have it done? 183 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:25,813 We purchased it used from Smart Beavis' uncle. 184 00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,948 Yes, yes, it had numerous issues 185 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,182 he did not disclose. 186 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,417 But no matter, 187 00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,085 for you are now our captive. 188 00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:33,821 [dramatic musical sting] 189 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:38,892 Huh. - Hmm. 190 00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,428 Is that boy gonna be all right now? 191 00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:44,732 That was another whoopsie-daisy. 192 00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:45,933 Trying it again. 193 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,835 Ah! 194 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:48,902 Humorous. 195 00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,538 Humorous in a foreboding manner. 196 00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,305 Yes, quite humorous, yes. 197 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:57,010 [dramatic music] 198 00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,912 Very well, Smart Beavis. 199 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,148 We shall now perform scientific experiments 200 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,349 on this human. 201 00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:05,218 Does that mean probe his anus? 202 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:08,021 That is what it means, and that is all that it means. 203 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,790 Prepare the machine. 204 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,324 Hmm. 205 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,561 How many anuses does a human have? 206 00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:15,563 I believe one. 207 00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,166 The machine is fully prepared. 208 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,002 Then let the science begin. 209 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:25,305 [machine whirs down] 210 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,208 I think the machine is broken, Smart Butt-Head. 211 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,043 Do you know how to fix it? 212 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,145 No. Do you? 213 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:35,716 Well, I could probably get that working for you again. 214 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:38,351 Nine times out of ten, what you're looking at 215 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,954 is a bad motor coupling. 216 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,123 [ratchets clicking] 217 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:46,694 Well, the capacitor seems good. That's not it. 218 00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:48,862 You know, I don't exactly remember 219 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,799 who you boys are or how I even got here. 220 00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:53,400 Yes, your memory was wiped 221 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,935 with a mnemulator. 222 00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:58,238 Well, I call it a case of senioritis. 223 00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,173 [laughs] 224 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,911 I ain't never seen something like this before. 225 00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:06,914 Must be made in Italy or something. 226 00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:10,217 It is made in a universe beyond your comprehension. 227 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:13,754 Ah, well, then it's probably all metric. 228 00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,990 Oh, here's your problem. 229 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:20,193 See, this wire housing just worked its way loose. 230 00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,995 [blows on wire] 231 00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:25,633 We just gotta tighten that up like so. 232 00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:27,868 See, you take this into the shop, 233 00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:30,704 and they see you got a custom van from Italy, 234 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,540 they're gonna say it needs all kinds of parts 235 00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,542 and run the price up on you, 236 00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:37,544 but it's just a loose housing. 237 00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,079 [machine hums and beeps] 238 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,748 So it works now? 239 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,549 It sure does. 240 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,652 So what's this thing do anyway? 241 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:45,919 It seals your doom. 242 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,087 [dramatic musical sting] 243 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,121 What now? 244 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,422 Incapacitate him 245 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,058 and attach him to the probe. 246 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,761 Very well, but first, I shall wipe his memory 247 00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:55,228 with a mnemulator. 248 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:56,429 Look at this device. 249 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,564 You might see a bright light. 250 00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,166 Look at what now? 251 00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:04,938 Whoops, I missed. 252 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,274 Where am I? Who are you? 253 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,508 What is your name? 254 00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,210 Are you boys all right? 255 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,845 What is this device? 256 00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,981 I do not remember it. 257 00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,917 It seems I can fit inside it. 258 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,585 Yes, quite comfortable, yes. 259 00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,654 Do you remember what this button does? 260 00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:23,156 I do not. Please press it. 261 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,557 [machine whirs] 262 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,626 Agh! My anus. 263 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,962 Agh! There is a probing of my anus. 264 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,598 Sir, do you remember how to turn this machine off? 265 00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,200 The device is unfolding something. 266 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,202 It is expanding. - This is quite humorous. 267 00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:38,005 Well, I don't need to join the Elks Club that bad, 268 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,539 I tell you what. 269 00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:41,608 That sounds like the kind of shenanigans 270 00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,476 they do at the Moose Lodge. 271 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,245 There seems to be an unexpected intrusion 272 00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,513 in my anus. 273 00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,480 Its reach was much more further 274 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,716 than I had imagined. 275 00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:50,083 I remember who I am now, 276 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,019 and it is making it worse. 277 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,153 My anus.